Thursday, April 01, 2010

Normal service will shortly be resumed!
I have not really felt like posting of late as I try to keep this blog very upbeat and full of challenge.
However late last year my daughter aged 26 was diagnosed with breast cancer which was a terrible shock to everyone concerned....this is a very young age to find out such a diagnosis. I have a tendency to be a cool level headed person who copes well in a crisis....and on the outside I do....very well. There is a part of a poem by Rudyard Kipling that talks about " if you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you, If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, ..." and that sums me up well....although a good friend of mine often says if you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs - you really don't understand the seriousness of the situation!.....well may be! however it is very hard when a child of yours is diagnosed with something like this....and you have other kids....another daughter aged 28, a son aged 24 and sons at school aged 17 and 7.......what do you say, and how? Especially when all your older female relatives have died directly or indirectly from it albeit at a much older age!
It is also hard as if you have a young child diagnosed with a serious illness there is a lot of help and support for the family for example CLIC have a home from home where families can stay together whilst having treatment.....but when your child is an adult, even though they are still your child and even though you have other children....and I have a 7 year old who adores his sisters and brothers....there is nothing! you don't count, there is no support, no information....of course this is because your ill child is an adult......in the eyes of a parent age means nothing, they are your child, but you are not involved anymore, you do not count, you are anonymous, you don't exist......
And it is very very hard!
Friends ask if everything is going ok....and you give as much news as you can. My daughter lives with her partner over an hour away so poping in is very difficult....and he is very protective of her so it feels like interfering to intrude on them uninvited.....and that is seen as being uncaring....so hard to get things right......
I have no family left alive other than my kids so no supportive sister or brother for me.....and her dad who is not my husband, we split 13 years ago, has never asked how the rest of the family are or how the other kids are feeling......and his family, all evangelical christians, have never contacted me about it either.....so its actually rather difficult to keep cheerful at times!

She is half way through very strong chemotherapy at the moment and its hard, almost impossible to know what to do and how to give support when running a business (I'm main breadwinner so cannot put on hold!) sorting out a difficult teenager, occupying a lively inquisitive small boy and supporting a husband who has recently broken a bone in his leg falling off a ladder! not to mention trying to be a friend to my other daughter who can be a little distant and difficult at times and my other son!

So please forgive me for being open and honest and please people check your 'bits' boobs for the ladies and balls for the blokes.....it might save your life!

9 comments:

Kanisha said...

It does sound as if times are very difficult for everyone. thinking of you and sending positive thoughts for some good news. Hang in there

Elizabeth Rimmer said...

That is so hard. I have family members who are ill, so I understand how hard it is to be there just enough. I will be thinking about you at this difficult time, and hope thatthere will be better news soon.

willow said...

So sorry to hear this Val. You do keep this blog very upbeat and all the time you were celebrating your business award you had this going on as well - it must have been so hard.
I hope you are able to find time to look after yourself in the midst of your worries about how family members are coping. As they say in the safety info before flying, in an emergency put your own oxygen mask on first and then you will be more able to help others, so do try to find some time for you.
I am sure your daughter gets a lot of comfort from knowing that you are there whenever she should need you even if you feel that giving practical help is difficult now.
Take care

Our Welsh Farm said...

I am sorry to hear, I worked as a therapy radiographer for 23 years and have an insight into your life at the moment. There is a MacMillan Foundation and these people will support your daughter and your family through this. I hope your daughter responds well to the treatment and you will all move on from this difficult time in your life. Thinking of you

Greentwinsmummy said...

You are incredible & R knows this even if you cant pop in every moment x x Good thoughts & prayers will be sent her way & I hope the chemo isnt too gruelling on her x
I cant,cant imagine the worry & sadness & anger you must feel at the moment.Children no matter how old,are precious beyond words x
Take care dear one & you know where I am if you are this way & fancy a cuppa & a cheery uppy natter x x x x

tpals said...

Hugs, Val. I hope your daughter responds well to the treatment and that your lives get easier soon.

Alan said...

Hi Val, I am so sad to hear of your news. I lost my eldest son suddenly in October of last year and I know how hard it can be to make sense of everything around you. Just to let you know you give others a lot of joy. I will be thinking of you. Faye

Val Grainger said...

Thank you so much for your kind comments....I don't often rant on...but had to I have been that confuddled! I'm touched by your care and am going to speak to Macmillan as I think it may help....xx

J. said...

Yes Val, do contact Macmillan, they're compassionate, caring and most of all, they understand

And whilst all of this is going on and you are keeping so many plates spinning remember to be kind to yourself

Love Julie