Friday, January 16, 2009

Frustration is the only way to sum up my week....interspersed with a visit from a lovely friend!
I am trying to raise the finance to go ahead with my expansion plans.....
The good old British Gov have bailed and bailed out the banks and this week announced help for small businesses by underwriting the risks of banks lending them money..........sounded great, looks great.....in theory!
However they would not play ball as they would only lend 30% of the finance needed and then only if I put in 70%.....but the whole point of borrowing is because you do not have the reddies.....is it not?!
So we have decided to do a remortgage on our house to raise the bit needed to invest and take the business forward.....not a huge risk to us as we only wanted a small amount.....
Fine said the morgage lender to our shock.....but urmm well oh.....oh well actually eventually NO!
Back to the drawing board.....
Mortgage brokers say......don't worry we will find you a mortgage!......and they did.....and I found a great unit and said yes to it.....and the paperwork for the mortgage arrived and I thought yipee.....
And then the phone went and the mortgage company said.....no....apparently there was a problem....I keep sheep!!!!! 8-o
WHAT the bleep bleep bleep has that got to do with it I ask dumbfounded?
Ah umm well that means you are a farm and we don't do agricultural mortgages!
No.....we are residential, we are and all ways have been residential......we just have 9 acres.
But you keep sheep AND pigs......so you ARE a farm........
NO we are residential......this property is NOT a registered farm business!
Oh yes you are oh no we are not.......it was sounding like a pantomime!
But urmm you have a countryside management business there too.....perhaps you are commercial premesis......where do you keep your heavy plant?

At this point i was beginning to think it was surreal......how did they know I had sheep.....and how many AND the fact that I'd just imported one from France AND that Pete has a tree surgery arm to his countryside management business???? And more worrying were mentioning pictures of me dyeing wool in horror of horrors my kitchen!
FROM THIS BLOG!!!! and my and Petes websites!!!

Big brother is certainly watching! I had no idea that underwriters spent hours investigating their mortgage application clients websites to try and 'catch' them lying!!!
I am horrified!

So eventually it was decided we apparently were not residential because our garden was more than 60% of our total plot, we were not agricultural because we just kept sheep for pleasure and were not commercial as we did not have either heavy plant on the premesis not was my kitchen a dye factory.....that point we ran out of options and became unique!
So we are still trying.....
AND for the benefit of any underwriters reading this I have contacted the BBC and they are very interested in your activities!

8 comments:

Blu said...

Frustration... here you are wanting to work, and in a very "green way" only needing a little help........and what did you get.. a slap!

Mrs C said...

That's so frustrating! I hope you find a way out of all the red tape soon.

Julie said...

Ye gods and litle fishes!
By that reckoning I run a kennels and cattery because I have three cats and three dogs
Or maybe I am a lending library because I loan out books to friends
No, wait, I am a chef because I make cakes and cookies for the office
And a loan adviser because I bail out The Ragazzi

That they snoop on your blog is despicable but hey, you've got their attention and ours if you wish to make it a public affair!

Remember my ex-colleagues?
name and shame????

PS the person to whom I was supposedly married turns out to have been a wife murderer.
Seems I had a lucky escape!

Julie said...

PPS No, WE tax payers have bailed out the banks
Did anyone ask your opinion about this use of our money because they certainly didn't ask me if I wished to become a share holder in such incompetency and downright bad management!

Julie said...

PPPS Nice music! I'm inspired to add Three Blind Mice to my blog!

Val Grainger said...

Well Blu....you are right...and I hate being slapped and tend to run and sob....BUT I will stand my ground...at least for the moment...and keep trying, problem is noone understands what it is that I do...mention sheep and wool and processing and a sort of haze appears!Mrs C....thanks for the support...it keeps me going!
Julie....That really made me smile...I did indeed mention to the mortgage brokers last week that if I had 20 dogs in the house and bred puppies or baked cakes for the WI or sold stuff on ebay no one would give a toss!
And you are right no one did ask me if they could lend my hard earned cash to the banks.....Gordon, I want a personal request next time!!!
As for 3 blind mice....There is another I'd like to add 'There was a crooked man'......!

hen said...

Hope it all goes in your favour Val.

Finger, toes and other dangly bits crossed!

hen
x

Fr. Peter Doodes said...

Big Brother indeed! I was accused by a Labour MP of being a 'Cyber Terrorist' recently.

We should have been involved in banking or at least have enough money to have the law changed...